What I will teach my children about civility

I read an article recently entitled "Who Deserves Respect?".  I was impressed and challenged.  Although we live in a culture that touts diversity and tolerance as paramount, individuals often speak so disparagingly of those who don't share their views as though to suggest that dissidents are unworthy of respect.  I hope to model and teach my children otherwise.

"Civility is due not to a person’s opinions, but to the person himself. Such civility is right and just because, while we may be very convinced that our opponent is wrong, our opponent is still a person with dignity. The just response to error is, as Socrates pointed out long ago, not mockery but argument. Civility is, moreover, prudent and good because if we reject it, if we indulge the desire to denounce, we destroy the civic friendship that is necessary to preserve a free and diverse society."
~Carson Holloway, "Who Deserves Respect?" The Witherspoon Institute Public Discourse

Civil disagreement is so difficult to learn.  It is also a lost art.  It is so much easier to denounce or slander a person who disagrees with us or who promotes ideas that we find repulsive or untenable.  I need to begin by teaching my children now, at home, and by ensuring that when they hear me disagreeing with someone, they hear me doing it in a respectful way.  I recently read the American Girl book, Felicity Learns a Lesson with G-Bear, and I was tremendously impressed by how the protagonist Merrimans were depicted as a family.  They were embroiled in the confusing, contentious revolutionary period, yet they were determined to be civil and respectful in their disagreements with their friends and neighbors.  Such lessons are just as important in my life as they are for my daughter.

Lord, let civility begin with me, even with those with whom I disagree.

A few more minutes

Need a few more uninterrupted minutes to clear the dishes?

Finish dinner?

Return a phone call?

Me too.

Try showing your one-year-old how to stick painters tape to the 

kitchen appliances.

I earned nearly five extra minutes with this trick.

Look, the tape magically sticks and re-sticks with no residue!

Gotta love that attractive blue color!

Little minds love to figure out how to get it off fingers and onto the wall!

 It worked, at least for a few minutes.  

As with all distractions, it doesn't last for long. :) 

"Mom?  Are you getting something done over there?"

Weeding the garden

There are a lot of weeds in our garden.

Our little introduction to home owning has blessed us with the chance to maintain several little 

garden spaces.  I have been excited to try out my green thumb and take care of these spaces in hopes of making our home and backyard a beautiful, welcoming place for our family and neighbors.  

But the weeds, oh the weeds, how they crop up and constantly threaten to take over.

There are weeds in the grass,

weeds in the vegetable beds, 

weeds in the shade,

weeds in the sun,

weeds under weeds!

There are so many ways that gardening is similar to parenting.

During the summer, when we are all spending our days together, I more easily notice weeds creeping into our lives as well.  These weeds, too, are always threatening to take over, but they have different names than the weeds in my gardens.  They are:

selfishness,

ungratefulness,

pride,

envy,

disobedience, 

distain,

anger,

impatience.

Somedays, I see the mess of weeds outside and want to throw up my arms in despair.  Where will I find the time and energy to tackle the weeding?  As a parent, somedays I want to throw up my hands in despair over the weeds crowding our lives.  Is there hope for us?  Where will I ever get the time and energy to weed out these behaviors?

It takes a lot of time to weed the gardens, whether the gardens outside or the gardens of our souls.  But weeding is worth it.  At the end of a day of weeding, everything looks fresher, our flowers and vegetables are growing more vigorously.  We see the same rewards when we tackle our sinfulness  and help our children grow in holiness.  Our family life feels fresher, our lives grow more vigorous as weeds are replaced by virtue.

I am more and more aware, however, that no day of weeding is complete without examining the weeds in my own life at the end of each day.  A nightly and weekly examination of conscience is a powerful weeding tool.   Confession avails my soul to the merciful hands of the Perfect Gardener.  Christ is able to uproot even the most persistent, threatening weeds from my soul and fill up remaining holes with the rich, healing soil of His grace.

Indeed, this is hard, worthwhile work.

Our gardens are a beautiful, fruitful blessing this summer.

My Little Flowers are even more precious, and their souls are eternal.

May we all bear fruit that lasts and blesses.

Another One Year Old

Every time we go through the one-year mark, I am amazed by how much I still have to learn about this stage (or every stage, for that matter).  Is our house child-proof?  I thought so, until two weeks ago when J-Bear started furniture walking.  What foods can make her choke at this stage?  Never mind my medical training.  Can I possibly make it through the day with only ONE nap time, not two?  How am I supposed to make it through daily Mass when my wiggleworm starts wriggling while I am still genuflecting?

I remember how, as a first time mom, I marveled at the mothers who seemed to have it all together with multiple children.  If I ever give you that impression while we’re out and about, I assure you, its a ruse (albeit a well-intentioned one).  These days, I take comfort in the value of my experience, while trying to enjoy the greenhorn feeling again.

So as I raised the celebratory single candle in honor of my daughter, I also raise it in salute to all of my fellow moms who have helped me through this stage before and will surely help me through it again.

First Bites

Over Thanksgiving, J-Bear took her first bites!

During Advent, our job has been to try to convince her to do it again ;)

I mean, how can you turn down sweet potatoes?

The first bites went over pretty well.

These days, J-Bear is not so sure.

 She's not shy about letting us know that she'd rather be drinking :)

Sweet girl!  We may just have to wait for table food!

Happily Ever,

Queen B

While Mom is Shopping...

Recently, we stopped at a clothing store so that I could try on a few things.

T occupied the kids while I was in the dressing room.  A game of hide-and-seek ensued.

Can you find the Bears?

New schedules

G-Bear is two weeks into 1st grade, E-Bear is into pre-K, 

and I am on my third week of collegiate teaching.

We are reeling from new schedules, trying to juggle needs of six people 

between pick-ups, drop-offs, nap times, nursing, and outside responsibilities.

Today I picked up G-Bear and E-Bear from school, with J-Bear in my arms and Buddy Bear

at my side.  Buddy Bear got big hugs from his siblings, and we all ran to the playground to play together.  As we walked to the car, I said to the kids,

"I have been looking forward to this time all day, 

when we are all back together."

As we arrived back home, I felt the tug of a million different items on my To-Do list.

Pay the bills, clean the closet, do the laundry, prep dinner, write my lectures for the week, prepare for lab, start G-Bear's homework, pick-up the playroom.....

But instead of doing any of those things, 

we all snuggled onto the couch to read Stuart Little together.

With J-Bear on my lap, Buddy Bear on my legs, 

E-Bear under my arm and G-Bear leaning on my shoulder, 

I was enjoying the only place I really wanted to be.

Too young for compassion? No way, says Aunt K!

Aunt K is an inspiration to our family for many reasons, but I think her recent Lenten efforts to encourage generosity and compassion in her young brood are worthy of special note.  You can read all the details about the Joyful Noise Family's Lent project here.  To summarize, for Lent this year the Joyful Noise Family is learning about one problem in the world every Sunday as well as one organization that is trying to help address the problem.  In addition to praying each week for people affected by the problem, the kids will get to help decide which organizations receive donations from their family at the end of Lent.

It is meaningful to me that the Joyful Noise Family is only slightly older than ours.  At this tender age, there is often a tension between protecting our children from the harms and sad realities of society and exposing them to the truth of a fallen world so that they might learn positive processing skills as well as virtues like compassion and generosity.  The encouraging part about this project is the positive effect it has had on the Joyful Noise Kids.  Thanks to their parents' planning and some careful thought over age-appropriate problems to introduce, the kids have embraced the project and are excited to help make the world a better place for others.

Thanks to Aunt K for sharing this project and the positive responses they have seen from their kids.  I am so thankful for examples like this as we strive to grow in generosity as a family.

Why I shouldn't let my child stand in the grocery cart

Alert: 

The following story could seriously compromise my Mother-of-the-Year application.  Come to think of it, there are so many things that would compromise my application, I shouldn't apply anyway.

First, some pertinent background:

There are many ways that Buddy Bear differs from his siblings.  One way that he defies my previous parenting experience is with his impressive, and sometimes death-defying, gross-motor confidence.  In contrast to his relatively physically cautious siblings, Buddy Bear rarely hesitates when it comes to new physical challenges.  He is delighted to climb the highest seats, stairs or tables, loves to wrestle with his brother, and is undaunted by super speeds.  Hey, a Buddy needs to keep up with his beloved siblings, doesn't he?

So, I was in no way surprised yesterday when, while at the grocery store with me, Buddy Bear did not want to sit securely in the grocery cart.  Our compromise, since we were in the produce department with too many temptations for little wandering hands, was to let him stand in the front large section of the cart.  This seemed reasonable, given that the front side of the cart measured up to his chest, I was was holding onto the back of the cart, and we were standing stationary in front of the lettuces.

However, I had not accounted for Buddy Bear's curiosity streak.  

All of a sudden, my attention was wrenched from the price of the lettuce bags to the sight of Buddy Bear slowly tipping himself, head first, without a sound, out and over the front of the cart.  As if in slow-motion, I watched as he seemed to suspend himself upside down in mid-air, before slowly falling to the floor onto his head.  I am not sure which one of us was more horrified by the unpleasant THUD of his head hitting the floor.  

Hugging poor, shrieking Buddy Bear in my arms, I could not have been more thankful for the cranial cushion provided by his very cute and relatively padded monkey-faced toboggan hat.  Thank you, Lord.  Thanks should also be extended to the crowd of customers, also present in the produce department, who witnessed the whole event.  Each went about his or her business without a sending single scowl, derogatory remark or killer-eye stare my way.  I already felt like I deserved a parental time-out, and I greatly appreciated the mercy of the quiet crowd.

Buddy Bear is doing great, I am thankful to say.  He probably won't enjoy as much freedom during our next grocery run, which is probably for the best.  Hopefully, I can help him find better ways to leave his mark on the world.

Fruits of the Spirit Summer Project

This time of year, the hard work of summer begins to pay off.  Summer's bounty is at it's peak.

Yummy tomatoes at the North Carolina Farmer's Market

Here in Happily Ever Johnson Land, we've been hard at work too, and we're excited about our bounty.
We're celebrating a different kind of garden harvest, though.

 Behold, our Fruits of the Spirit Garden!

Our Fruits of the Spirit Garden

Our Fruits of the Spirit Garden has been a summer-long project for us.  I am really excited to be able to share our progress over the summer.  The inspiration for our project centered around Mandy Groce's free, online "Fruits of the Spirit" coloring book, found at Ministry to Children.  Ministry to Children is a wonderful, free children't ministry resource website.  We love their coloring pages, Bible story lessons and craft ideas.  I was also inspired by the fun learning lapbooks that Jessica of Shower of Roses makes with her children.  Finally, thanks to our little herb garden for inspiring us to create another out of the "spiritual fruits."

Part I.

After Pentecost last June, we started talking about the Fruits of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22-23:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.  Against these there is no law."

We talked about how, just like soil, water and sunlight help tiny seeds turn in to a garden of beautiful flowers, fruits and vegetables, the Holy Spirit helps the seeds of faith in our hearts turn into visible "fruits" in our daily actions and interactions.  These visible, spiritual fruits don't appear as cherries and bananas and apples, but instead show up as things like love and joy and goodness and kindness in our daily lives.

Our conversations were a great way to personalize the meaning of Pentecost and the visible work of the Spirit in our family life.  I used Mandy Groce's Fruits of the Spirit coloring page as a visual aid for E-Bear and G-Bear.  

G-Bear's Fruit of the Spirit folder

After the kids colored their pages, we used them to make covers for our Fruits of the Spirit folders. 

E-Bear's Fruit of the Spirit folder

Part II.

For the second part of our project, we took a few weeks to focus only on the first fruit of the spirit.  To help us do this, we made "Love Charts."  I printed off Mandy Groce's "Love" coloring page for each of the kids.  As they colored, we spent an afternoon talking about ways that the Holy Spirit can help us be more loving people.  We made a list of examples of things that the kids could do that would be loving.  Then, we hung the Love Charts on our wall along with a bag of special stickers.  For the next several weeks, every time the kids made a choice or did something that was loving, I tried hard to recognize it by thanking them and asking them to put a sticker on their Love Chart.  Pretty soon, the kids were recognizing loving behaviors both for themselves and for each other.  Before we knew it, their charts were full, and we added them to our folders. 

G-Bear and E-Bear's Love Charts

Part III.

Next, it was time to give attention to the other eight fruits.  Thanks to Nana, we found a great song to help us memorize them: Fruit of the Spirit by Brentwood Kids   My kids love this song!

To help us cultivate all these fruits, we painted an empty egg carton to represent our "garden."  We had work to do.  It looked pretty barren!  I carefully sliced holes into the top of each egg basket.

Our Fruit of the Spirit Garden

Then, I helped the kids assemble little "fruits" that I had cut out of construction paper.  They got to glue the pieces together, decorate them with leaves, and decide which spiritual fruit each stick would represent.

We wrote the name of the spiritual fruit on the fruit sticks and inserted them into slits that I had cut into their folder pockets.

Over the next several weeks, when the kids did something that represented one of the spiritual fruits, they were allowed to get their fruit stick out of their folder and put it in the garden.   This was a great way for me to reinforce examples of each of the spiritual fruits in their actions.  They were also able to look at our garden at the end of the day, recognize the fruits they had "grown," and focus on the fruits they had yet to display.  On our harder days, I could point to our barren garden and show them a visual example of how we needed to 'grow' more spiritual fruit for our family.

Part IV

To reinforce our ongoing gardening project, we made mini Fruits of the Spirit "Gardener Coloring Books" out of Mandy Groce's online coloring book.  We spent several afternoons coloring in the coloring books, talking about the pictures and how they represented particular spiritual fruits.  Then, we added them to our folders.

I also gave the kids a new page of special stickers, so that if they displayed a fruit of the Spirit during the day, and had already put the fruit stick in their "garden," then they could add a sticker to the corresponding fruit page in their coloring book.  

This brings us to the end of our summer and the completion of our Fruits of the Spirit project.  

Our finished Fruits of the Spirit folders

Overall, I am happy with the things we have learned and the ways we have grown together.  In focusing on the Fruits of the Spirit, I grew just as much as my kids, if not more.

I can't wait to get to our new home and set up our garden in another prominent spot.  After all, you can never have too much spiritual fruit!

Pushing Through the Restless Days

Summer is like parenthood.

Most days are wonderful.

Some days are harder than others.

Lately, we have had a spell of restless summer days around our house.

Maybe it's the heat.

Maybe it's too little sleep.

Maybe it's the burden of having too much choice over how we spend our day,

 and the boredom that creeps in as a result.

Whatever the reason, the past few days have been filled with 

too many timeouts, 

too many interventions,

too many scowls and not enough 'yes, ma'ams,'

too many crabbys, not enough happys.

You might say that my kids and I are getting in the way of our summer fun.

Hard parenting days make me a restless parent.

I don't enjoy messes.

I don't enjoy timeouts.

I don't enjoy fussing.

I don't enjoy discipline.

The restless parent in me wants to throw in the towel,

I want my career back,

I want out of the house.

I want to feel important, 

I want to feel valued.

But at the point when parenting becomes the hardest, 

at the point where I become the most restless,

that is where my parenthood becomes most important,

most valuable,

and has the greatest potential.

So stick it out, Johnson Bears.

Finish the time out, pick up the mess, give a big hug and head out for more.

The lessons learned on restless days make for better days ahead.

There is so much summer fun left to enjoy!

And stick it out, Momma.

Say your prayers, get some sleep, make a plan, hold your tongue, put on humiltiy,

have some patience.

Parenting through the restless days makes for better days ahead.

Thanks to these great women for two posts that offered great perspective on a frustrating, restless parenting day: AWOL Mommy's post on "Vocligation", and Leila's post on "Competence vs. Perfectionism."  Truly, these are great reads for any day.

Splash pool for Buddy Bear

Last spring, MoMo was kind enough to offer to buy Buddy Bear a water table for his first birthday.  I was grateful for her generous offer, but politely declined.  I knew we would be moving again this summer and didn't want to accumulate any more large objects before packing up again.  Also, the only space we could realistically put a water table would be on the porch, in the space currently hosting three bikes, a stroller and our painting easel.  Hopefully I don't sound like a total grinch.

Well, Buddy Bear sure has shown me.  I didn't think he would ever find out that I turned down such a fun birthday present for him.  But I am sure that he must have. He seems intent on showing me how much fun he would have playing in a splash pool water table.  No water table from MoMo?  No problem.  Who needs a bonafide splash pool when you have a home with two toilets?

That's right, our little big man takes every chance he gets at playing in the toilet.  He's ridiculously good at getting to the bathroom in a flash without being noticed.

Then, the other day we were all waiting turns to use the bathroom before heading out to the store.  G-Bear was at bat with E-Bear on deck, and to conserve water they were being diligent not to flush in between turns but to wait until the last person finished.  Before it was my turn, I was called away by a brief phone call.

When I returned to the bathroom a few moments later, E-Bear and G-Bear were washed up and diligently putting on shoes by the door.  Where was Buddy Bear?  Thaaaat's right, splashing away in the toilet, half soaked.

And what was that white glob of goo in his mouth?

Yup, a big glob of soaked toilet paper that he had fished out of the toilet.

Take that mom.  No birthday water table?  No problem.


 Suffice it to say, I will not be recounting this story on my application for mother of the year.


And if you stop by our house, please close the door after you use the bathroom.

March Milestones

Around our house,

you might find a big girl typing her name

or writing her words by herself;

Found this on my refrigerator, a special delivery from our hard-working G-Bear.

during mealtime, 

where once a baby sat, we now find a little buddy,

eating meals by himself like a big kid

(it's a first with pears, pancake and potatoes!);

and should you like to venture out from the safe confines of home, 

you may want to take E-Bear along,

he'll show you how to bravely conquer our epic flight of stairs 

without a hand or handle.

Each of these milestones represents a task that used to draw requests for my assistance.  There are so many more like these!  Whether setting the table, cleaning up, helping with dishes, inventing new games, getting into new mischief, advancements abound around here.  These three are stretching their wings daily.  They will be flying on their own before I know it.   Fortunately for me, I recently came across this inspiring poem here.  I quickly wrote it out and taped it to my entryway closet door:

Oh Lord,

Give me patience when wee hands

tug at me with their small demands,

and give me gentle, smiling eyes,

keep my lips from hasty replies.

And let not weariness, confusion or noise

obscure my vision of life's fleeting joys.

So when, in years to come my house is still -

no bitter memories its rooms may fill.

~Author Unknown

In the spirit of this poem and the season, I am trying to thank God each time someone tugs at my leg or calls for my help during the day.  I am far from perfect in this, but my attempts have done wonders for my presence of mind in our daily interactions.  Goodness, I love these Bears.

Daybook for February 2012

Ah, a Daybook entry, what better way is there to reflect and ramble about our latest musings and happenings?  Today's edition is a mix of big and small choices, difficult and delightful moments.  Like a small town newspaper, the news borders on gossip, but you can't help read it anyway.  As always, thanks to the Simple Woman's Daybook for providing the inspiration.

Outside my window...there is brown grass where yesterday there was SNOW!  We enjoyed our one and only snow day of the year yesterday.  Conveniently, school had already been dismissed for Presidents' Day.  We wasted no time getting outside and quickly made a snowman.  He wasn't Minnesota-sized, but he was pretty cute.  We built him in the shade so that he would last longer, and thank goodness we did!  By the time we finished playing in the snow, most of it had melted.  Even our snowman was gone by the evening, before I could snap a picture.  Ah, well, that's life in North Carolina.

Our back yard playground, covered in snow!

I am thinking...about our Baby Bear, who turned ten months yesterday! 

A Bear and his daddy.

Our little man impresses us everyday with his new skills.  He loves to make people smile by waving hello and good-bye.  He likes to clap along, whether to a song or to show his delight.  He is standing, furniture walking, and crawling like lightning.  I can no longer let him out of my sight because he is getting into everything!   Big sibs, mom and dad have to be careful where we leave our toys and treasures if we don't want to share them with Baby Bear.  And oh, my, what a voracious appetite he has!  This boy is a growing boy.  

Baby Bear celebrates in style :)

I am thankful...to Neen for nominating us for the Versatile Blogger Award.  How kind!  I am most thankful that our blog has brought enjoyment and escape for her as she anticipates the birth of her twins!  Thank you.  I'll fulfill the obligation of passing along this award in a future post.

In the kitchen...I am cooking our Mardi Gras meal complete with roasted vegetable pasta and the last minute addition of a crock pot chicken.  What a treat!  Thanks, Whole Foods, for providing organic, free range chickens on sale.  Yum.  

I am wearing...fuzzy socks.  I found them at the back of my sock drawer yesterday, and they were perfect for our snow day.  They are oh, so comfortable.  

I am creating...my annual plan to help us make the most of Lent.  With Ash Wednesday tomorrow, it is time to add the finishing touches.  Lent is a season that offers us the tremendous opportunity to regroup, reflect and recharge in our walk with God.  I say, bring it on.


I am going...actually, I went to the grocery store with the Bears today.  You might think I have a death wish or just get a kick out of tempting fate.  Actually, I was desperate for ice cream.  With three in tow, I chose the grocery store with the mini "shopper in training" shopping carts.   My kids love the mini shopping carts.  Thankfully, both mini carts (they only have two) were available at the entrance, so both G-Bear and E-Bear got to push one.  We have two rules when I allow the little shopping carts:  #1: Everyone must stay behind mommy and follow me at all times.  #2:  We walk, we don't run, with the carts.  Often, someone has a lapse of behavior and looses their cart privileges part-way through our shopping trip.  Not today.  Today my Bears were cherubs, and they were rightly showered with compliments from the other shoppers.  "Oh, my, aren't YOU TWO big helpers?"  "What excellent helpers you have there, Mom!"  And my personal favorite:  "Hey, Sam!  Look, it's a train!"  My kiddos beamed with pride as they pushed their carts.  I would like to thank the legion of angels over my shoulder.  And yes, we bought a lot more than ice cream.

I am wondering...why, with so many wonderful toys surrounding him, Baby Bear is most interested in chewing on the power strip hidden behind the couch.  Like I said, I can't let that boy out of my sight! :)

I am reading...phonics books from Progressive Phonics with G-Bear.  Actually, I should say that SHE is reading them with me!  I am so impressed and amazed as she develops this new skill.  The look on her face is priceless as she sounds out a word and realizes she has read it.  So far we have done the first book in the series, the short "a." Now we are onto the second book, and we are all excited to start it.  Even E-Bear asked if we could read it for story time today.

Photo from Progressive Phonics

I am learning...so much from the women in my Bible Study.  Right now we are reading James, and I love our discussions about how to practically live out our faith. 

Around the house...we are missing our three cousins, who joined us yesterday for playtime and dinner!  We had so much fun.  G-Bear said today at lunch:  "I miss them.  It was so LOUD when they were here.  I felt like our house was shaking we were so loud."  I can assure you that this was a most sincere compliment on her part.    

I am look forward to... Thursday.  Why?  Rank lists for all residency applicants are due tomorrow by 9pm.  I can't wait to wake up on Thursday and have the deadline behind me.  


I am pondering...residency.  With rank lists due tomorrow, this is the eight hundred pound gorilla in my room.  Actually, to say that I am "pondering" residency does not do justice to the amount of mental energy and capacity that this decision has consumed for the past two years.  I somewhat ashamed to admit that I am so nervous about tomorrow that my hands are shaking right now, even as I type this.  For me, the question is not only what rank list I will submit, but whether I will submit one at all.  Eight hundred pound gorilla, indeed.  

A favorite quote for today...

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it shall be given to him.  But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord."  ~James 1:5-7

One of my favorite things...is snuggling with my Bears.  Whether we are reading a book, tucking in for the night or watching a movie, their sweet snuggles make my day.  

A few plans for the rest of the week...Ash Wednesday and a decision tomorrow, basketball with T this weekend, and a visit from Uncle C round out our plans for the next week.  

A peek into my day...

Our porch yesterday, more proof that it really did snow.