On changing clothes, teaching class and awaiting Nana

I am wearing...my fuzziest sock and my warmest fleece sweater.  A chill has arrived in the air.  This past week I spent a morning with all the kids in the closet changing over our clothes from summer short-sleeves to fall/winter warmth.  I was amazed to see how much G-Bear has grown in the past year (most of her winter clothes no longer fit).  I was also feeling nostalgic as I got out E-Bear's old clothes to add to Buddy Bear's shelves.  What a blessing it is for us to be able to hand clothes down to younger siblings!  Buddy Bear gets so excited to wear "new" clothes that E-Bear once wore.  

I am creating...a second exam for the students in my physiology class.  I have enjoyed teaching immensely.  I have also found it to be immensely challenging.  There is never enough time in the day to prepare as much as I would like.  Since T is able to be home with the kids during one of my lectures and during my lab time, we only have 3 hours of babysitter time each week.  That means I stay up late and wake up early to plan my lectures so that I can spend the daytime with the kids.  I enjoy introducing the miraculous human body to my students, as I watch them make connections that I remember making for the first time a decade ago.  I am also humbled and comforted by the fact that if I ever have the chance to teach again, I'll probably (hopefully!) do a better job having done it once before.

I am looking forward to... Nana's arrival this weekend.  We'll enjoy a full week of Nana's love and support, and we're all doing an excited, happy dance as a result. 

My Welcome Home

This fall, for a few hours each week,

 I am away from the house while I teach physiology to college students.

So far, this experiment has gone remarkable well.

Because I lecture in the early morning, the day is still just beginning when I return home.

This is nice, because I love having the rest of the day to spend with the Bears.

Yesterday, Buddy Bear welcomed me home by inviting me to read him a story on the couch.

As he crawled up next to me, I said,

"Well, I am glad I am home, Buddy Bear.  I missed you!"

Buddy Bear replied, clear as day, with a big shy smile,

"Oh, Mommy, I miss you too."

I melted.  

That's my sweet Buddy Bear.

PASS!

Thank you, Jesus,

I passed the last Step of my licensing Board exam!

This afternoon we toasted with pear juice after I got the email.

A toast to the Boards passed!

This was the third and final exam, and after taking all three while pregnant,

I am glad that I won't have to do any of them again.

I have to thank T for his constant encouragement, 

Nana, MoMo and Papa and the many friends who offered up abundant prayers,

little J-Bear for putting up with all the butterflies in my tummy during the two day exam,

Buddy Bear for the practical testing of throwing up on me as I walked in from my first exam day,

and G-Bear and E-Bear for sticking with me through thick and thin, not only during medical school, but everyday since.

Most of all, thank you, Lord, for helping me leap this last testing hurdle. 

When a decision looms large

Faced any big decisions lately?

I have one that I've been putting off for a long time.  I will be interviewing next week, which will bring the decision to the forefront of my mind (as if it hasn't been there constantly for several years already!).

I have written before about how I have struggled to make professional decisions now that I am a mother.  I want to live a life that pleases God, serves my family and makes the world a better place for others.  Most days I find myself wondering which path would allow me to fulfill these goals the most.  Is one path better or more fulfilling than another?

I don't know the answer to my question.  But I think I found a clue in the book of Colossians this week:

"We pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way:

bearing fruit in every good work,

growing in the knowledge of God,

being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might 

so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father,

who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."

~Colossians 1:10-12

There are times in life when we have to make a choice between right and wrong.  There are many other times when the important decision is not what path we choose, but the kind of person we will be on our chosen path.  Perhaps that is why God's answer to my prayers over this decision seem so elusive:  perhaps while I pray so hard over the road ahead, he is more concerned with the driver.

So, Queen B, as you face a decision that feels so daunting, don't forget the important stuff:

Bear fruit in every good work,

grow in the knowledge of God,

be strengthened with His power so you have endurance and patience,

and do it all with thanksgiving for the eternity ahead.

P.S.  Check out this request from NY Times OP-Ed columnist, David Brooks.  If you know any particularly wise septuagenarians, their reflections on life, what they did well, not so well, and what they learned along the way, could be really instructive for younger generations as we struggle to navigate adulthood, careers, family, life.  

Finding Contentment in Two Worlds

As I continue to work through my decisions regarding medicine, residency and what is best for our family, this recent piece in my alma mater's Alumni Weekly caught my eye.  The writer is a graduate of Princeton, Harvard Business School and mom of two.  While choosing to keep a foot in the professional world, she has passed up attractive jobs that would require longer hours and more time away from her kids, instead opting for positions that aren't as stimulating but allow her flexibility or part-time commitment so she can spend more time with her kids.  She reflects honestly and openly in her piece about her discontent and struggles with this, wondering if, "in being unwilling to give up either world, did I end up doing a poor job in both?"

Canyons: alluring beauty, beasts to straddle

Like the author, I realize that it is a privilege to have the opportunity to wrestle with the problems of how/whether to straddle the mother/professional divide. Sometimes, though, the privilege feels more burdensome than uplifting.  The divide can feel like a canyon, and while canyons are alluringly beautiful in their mystique, they are a beast to straddle.

I realized, as my heart resonated with her struggles, that I have a real problem with contentment.  I am not content to have others determine my path, nor am I satisfied by having the opportunity to choose for myself.  What gives, Queen B? 

This weekend I attended a Christian Women In Medicine conference for a few hours in Providence, RI.  As I described my current position and decisions to others in a small group, one woman encouraged me with Proverbs 16:9:

"A man devises his way, but the Lord directs his steps."

It is my prayer today that the Lord would be the one to direct my steps in the next year as I make hard decisions about my work/home life balance.  I pray for all other mothers who are privileged enough to have to face similar questions, but find them burdensome rather than freeing.  And I pray that my contentment would not lie in a hope of a "perfect balance," (because really, IS there even such a thing?) but in the Lord who is my Savior and Creator, who created me to love Him, love others, and do His good work in the world.

Happily Ever,

Queen B

p.s. The piece is called "A Foot in Two Worlds."  It is available online and was printed in the September 22nd issue of the Princeton Alumni Weekly.