Dinner on the porch to celebrate Boards

T passed his Boards!

Thank you, Jesus.

Such a monumental occasion merits a night out to celebrate.

Unless you find out the news at 5:30pm on your way home with four tired kids 

and no babysitter is available.  

In that case, you go to plan B: put tired kids to bed early and get Indian take-out.

Hang a few porch lights, light a few candles, buy a few Izzes,

spring for the palak paneer AND the tandoori chicken,

and you have a veritable feast fit for ANY super special occasion.

After all, we've hoped for and looked forward to this day for years.

What a wonderful way to celebrate.

Congratulations, T.  

He's Done! The Boards of July

Forget the Ides of March.

We've been wary of this month for several years now.

This week, T took his final Board exam for his specialty.

Oral exams are intimidating.  This one is down right spine tingling.

But today, thanks be to God, he is finished.

We won't know the results of the exam for several months.  Even so, there is plenty to reflect on this experience that we have weathered together.  I asked myself so many times over the past few months, 'how can I show love to T as this exam looms?'   T is so cool calm and collected, and leading up to the exam, he rarely complained.  Even so, the preparation for this one was burdensome and exhausting for both of us.  I am always tempted to misread exhaustion as disinterest.  My best plan and surest defense was to keep 1 Corinthians 13 at the ready.  I had to constantly remember that love is patient and kind.  My love must bear all things, believe all things and hope all things.   I could bless his longest preparation days by going the extra mile, lavishing patience and understanding and creating a welcoming, relaxing haven for his arrival home.  If my day had been crazy, it was just all the more opportunity to accomplish these things out of love.  

Exams are hard; so is love.

In the life that T and I have chosen, we must pass the exams. 

But we must excel at love above everything else.

Congratulations, T.  I love you and I am so proud of you.

Moving Day

Tomorrow is moving day.
The truck has been packed.  It left us yesterday.

Our home here in North Carolina is barren and quiet.

It is strange that a place which has been so full of life can look so empty.

Our living room the evening before the movers arrived

As we say our goodbyes with misty eyes,

I am finding great comfort in the things the movers haven't packed, can't take away.

The heart of a home is not the couches, the toys, the dishes, the chairs.

The heart of the home is something we make ourselves, together.

Our apartment mantel

 No many how many moves, 

to the ends of the earth,

He is with us,

and I'm coming with you.

I love you, T.

Thank you, Lord, for our year in Winston Salem.

Six Years with My Love

He wooed me once,

he woos me still.

Thank you, T, for six years of bliss.  I love being your wife.  

I love learning more everyday what it means to love you and what it means for you to love me.  

I love you, T.

Hard Days: The Choice

What do you do when someone you love falls on a string of bad days?

We can relate.  This seems to happen often in medical training.

What do you do when your husband hasn't slept more than 5 hours for the past 4 nights?

When he hasn't seen the kids in three days?

When co-workers ask in jest if his wife is jealous of them?

When he gets off work at 10:00pm, his car battery is dead in the 20 degree cold, and the car alarm won't stop alarming after AAA comes to jump the car?

When his alarm goes of at 4:05am the next morning and he still isn't home at midnight that night?

What happens?

Are you resentful when the dinner you made is cold on the stove?

Do you grow weary of parenting as the night grows long?

Do you resent the work, the schedule, the people who keep your loved one away?

Do you let questions creep in and doubt that you're loved?

Do you pity 'why me' and forget how you're blessed?

Or

Do you welcome your loved one and warm up a meal,

and make a safe haven for brief comfort and rest?

Do you speak to your children, when questions of absence arise, 

of daddy's great virtue,

 the great needs of others 

and how working late provides for both family and neighbors?

Do you remember how hard your loved one is working, 

and respect that Good Purpose can be found in the labor?

Do you banish all doubt and resolve to love deeply, 

past the depth of emotion, convenience, exhaustion?

Do you remember the suffering of others, far greater,

are you humbled by Sacrifice for your own failures?

Lord, help me, I will make the better choice.

Tonight, tomorrow,  

for him,  

for me,

  for us,
for them,

  for our witness.

Happily Ever,

Queen B

In the Spirit of Wedding Season

Today we celebrate the wedding of my cousin A to his beautiful bride, K.  The wedding season is already in full swing, and T and I certainly have had marriage on our minds, having just celebrated our 4th anniversary a few weeks ago.

Marriage is truly an amazing gift to those who are called to it.  I love and marvel at the way that weddings remain days of amazing celebration and almost mystical allure, despite the fact that the institution of marriage itself has crumbled so much in our society today.  There is something about weddings that seems to harken people back to the hope of what Love, lived out, can do for two people, two families, the world.

But a wedding day is just the beginning, an introduction to the epic journey marriage can be.  Tonight, T reminded me of the other side of marriage, the side we are aiming for and building toward.  This week's issue of Sports Illustrated is honoring John Wooden, legendary former UCLA basketball coach, who died last week.  The opening excerpt of the cover story beautifully recounts Wooden's extraordinary love for his wife, Nell, of 53 years:

"If death had granted him a moment to convey the sentiment, John Wooden would have declared his passing last week at age 99 a happy transit.  After his wife of 53 years, Nell, died in 1985, the old UCLA coach came to regard life as essentially time to bide until he might be with her again.  For two decades he had taken Nell to every Final Four, first as a conquering coach and then as a conventioneering one, but without her he couldn't bring himself to go.  During his first years as a widower Wooden slept atop the covers of their bed so as not to have to slip beneath them alone."  ~Alexander Wolff, Sports Illustrated, June 14th 2010


How will we get to that final day of marriage together, loving each other more each day along the way?  The following poem is a favorite of T's...he often shares it in toasts to couples at rehearsal dinners.  It highlights what we feel it takes to maintain the strength of love and marriage through the pitfalls of life.  It is by John Piper, pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church.  It is long, but worth it, and I have included only a portion of it here.  It's message:

"If you now aim your wife to bless,

Then love her more and love her less.

If in the coming years, by some
Strange providence of God, you come
To have the riches of this age,
And, painless, stride across the stage
Beside your wife, be sure in health
To love her, love her more than wealth.

And if your life is woven in
A hundred friendships, and you spin
A festal fabric out of all
Your sweet affections, great and small,
Be sure, no matter how it rends,
To love her, love her more than friends.

And if there comes a point when you
Are tired, and pity whispers, "Do
Yourself a favor. Come, be free;
Embrace the comforts here with me."
Know this! Your wife surpasses these:
So love her, love her, more than ease.

And when your marriage bed is pure,
And there is not the slightest lure
Of lust for any but your wife,
And all is ecstasy in life,
A secret all of this protects:
Go love her, love her, more than sex.

And if your own should someday be
The craft that critics all agree
Is worthy of a great esteem,
And sales exceed your wildest dream,
Beware the dangers of a name.
And love her, love her more than fame.

And if, to your surprise, not mine,
God calls you by some strange design
To risk your life for some great cause,
Let neither fear nor love give pause,
And when you face the gate of death,
Then love her, love her more than breath.

Yes, love her, love her, more than life;
O, love the woman called your wife.
Go love her as your earthly best.
Beyond this venture not. But, lest
Your love become a fool's facade,
Be sure to love her less than God.

It is not wise or kind to call
An idol by sweet names, and fall,
As in humility, before
A likeness of your God. Adore
Above your best beloved on earth
The God alone who gives her worth.
And she will know in second place
That your great love is also grace,
And that your high affections now
Are flowing freely from a vow
Beneath these promises, first made
To you by God. Nor will they fade
For being rooted by the stream
Of Heaven's Joy, which you esteem
And cherish more than breath and life,
That you may give it to your wife.
The greatest gift you give your wife
Is loving God above her life.
And thus I bid you now to bless:
Go love her more by loving less."
~By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org

For all married couples, and all those who, like my sweet cousin, are about to be--I am praying for you tonight, for the strength of your love and marriage.